I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
