Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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