and you said cock pushups were impossible
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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