did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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