Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
