this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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