Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
