Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she peed on how many people?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
