I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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