32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
