I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it because I queefed?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
