I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
