Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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