Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
