I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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