The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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