My cat gives me a boner
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
