If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
