Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
