the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
