I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
