Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
zippers are such a cool invention
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
