she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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