its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's the barista slut.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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