found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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