the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
