tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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