He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
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Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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