I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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