i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
