if you like me you must not know who I am
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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