are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
