the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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