forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
