So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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