I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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