Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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