True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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