the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
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