Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
