Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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