woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
