I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
