Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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