It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
