I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
