everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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