I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Houston, we have a blender
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
