What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
