We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
