True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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