just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
