ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
