what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
