the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
