u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
