Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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