I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
