I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Randomize
