I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
you win again, gameday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
