I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
