We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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