Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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