im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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