the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
