Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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