Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
