You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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