There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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