I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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