Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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