grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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