if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.