im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.