Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.

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  (281): 3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals. http://tfl.nu/21ij
  Replies (12) Good night (2910) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.

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  (561): I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream. http://tfl.nu/f7mo
  Replies (4) Good night (590) Bad night (2630)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  I feel like half our conversations start this way.

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  (603): GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED (1-603): I feel like half our conversations start this way. http://tfl.nu/9770
  Replies (16) Good night (6250) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.

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  (604): Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit. http://tfl.nu/890j
  Replies (48) Good night (2947) Bad night (9704)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.

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  (360): He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured. http://tfl.nu/js6x
  Replies (63) Good night (5745) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....

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  (313): An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it.... http://tfl.nu/pvzg
  Replies (8) Good night (1081) Bad night (2752)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss

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  (802): ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss http://tfl.nu/xu33
  Replies (10) Good night (2367) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.

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  (717): Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend. http://tfl.nu/7j2q
  Replies (10) Good night (1467) Bad night (787)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...

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  (815): High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes... http://tfl.nu/ssal
  Replies (5) Good night (1501) Bad night (590)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.

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  (847): Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high. http://tfl.nu/a6we
  Replies (1) Good night (1239) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy

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  (763): I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy http://tfl.nu/fuzq
  Replies (2) Good night (1097) Bad night (451)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.

  (1-205): View more from Alabama

  Can I get that on a shirt

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  (205): No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her. (1-205): Can I get that on a shirt http://tfl.nu/a8yc
  Replies (5) Good night (1262) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.

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  (412): FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL. http://tfl.nu/yext
  Replies (3) Good night (574) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths

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  (734): I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths http://tfl.nu/fyxi
  Replies (3) Good night (675) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.

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  (317): I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate. http://tfl.nu/c5sn
  Replies (2) Good night (920) Bad night (320)

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