He kissed a someone with a penis
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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