If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question