i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.