so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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