got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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