I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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