So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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