I feel like abortions should bother me more
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
